So I recently obtained a new insulin pump which has led to me having to have more conversations about my type 1 diabetes and even though I’ve been diabetic since 1999, I feel like every couple of years I need to refresh the topic.

First of all I have learned that so few people actually understand diabetes.

Upon learning this information people will tell you that their grandparent is also diabetic.

Or they will give you this sympathetic look.

Because of the growing epidemic of type 2 diabetes in this country, and I’m because I’m chubby many people will assume that I caused my own diabetes.

I’m always thirsty even when my blood sugar is good.

And I don’t care how much you warn me about aspartame. I need Diet Coke, juice has too much sugar, as does milk, lemonade and Gatorade. We deserve one carbohydrate free drink with flavor.

I have developed a very complicated relationship with sugar where it’s my natural enemy but it also has saved my ass many times.

I always have to be prepared with a bag of supplies usually containing extra insulin, an extra infusion set, low blood sugar fix (my personal go to is starbursts) and my glucometer.

I’m so good at counting carbs now.

I’ve needed prescriptions since the age of 9 so I walk into my pharmacy like a boss.

My mood is very effected by blood sugars, and I tend to be a little lethargic when it’s high and little irritable when it’s low.

High blood sugar

Low blood sugar

I feel like I pee more than normal people

Excercise is also very complicated because it can dramatically lower your blood sugar so I often have to eat before and after which can feel counterintuitive.

Wearing a pump is fashionably awkward, you never get to sleep naked, and you have to fit in on formal wear and in the early 00’s people assumed it was a beeper.

Everyone once is awhile you get smug when someone is complaining about a cold or some shit and you’re like “well I have a serious chronic illness, there is like a walk and everything”

I’ve gotten really used to looking shady af with all my syringes in my bathroom cupboard.

Traveling sucks, packing weird supplies that if you forget you are straight up screwed and the TSA does not like your pump or bag because it’s full of needles.

And mostly I have learned is that you will have the most conflicted feelings about Steel Magnolias. 

 

 

 

Growing up reading Archie Comics and having Josie and The Pussycats as one of my favorite movies I feel like I need this new series to be handled delicatley. I know they are already cast for the series but it’s always fun to decide who  you would love to see play these parts. I also feel like in my head I know they are in comics they are high schoolers but I think of them as twenty something townies in this series.

 

Archie Andrews: Josh Hutcherson

I feel like Josh can pull off the “I’m super desirble but why?” aspect that is necessary of Archie. Also Hunger Games is over and that kid is going to need a buck.

Veronica Lodge: Nina Dobrev

I’ve never been a huge Nina fan but she is beautiful and seems like she could play a bitch and she seems like someone who could hit comedic cues when needed

Reggie Mantle: Tom Maden

He’s hot and mean with a michevous grin, all Reggie.

Betty Cooper: Sasha Pieterese

I think it’s time to see her play somebody sweet.

Jughead Jones: John Karna

Kid has a stoner face.

Dilton Doiley: Brendan Robinson

They have the same haircut, and are so pasty.

Josie McCoy: Emma Stone

I think Josie is supposed to be a little older, and Emma is a long shot but she would be fun as a rockstar who solves crimes.

Melody Valentine: Ashley Benson

Cute, blonde, and likealbe. #sugarandspice

Valerie Brown: Amber Riley

Time to get someone who can sing and is a normal body type in this group

Cheryl Blossom: Bella Thorne

Look at that jail bait swagger.

Sabrina Spellman: Chloe Grace Mortez

One can dream

Harvey Kinkle: Beau Mirchoff

Eh? He’s from the show Awkward on MTV. He’ll do fine.

Moose Mason: Sinqua Walls

Let’s diversify, this kid could play a jock

Midge Klump: Chloe Bridges

Donna LaDonna for the win!

Ethel Muggs: Ashley Finke

I already like this version of Ethel more

Kevin Keller: Colton Haynes

He’s gay, Kevin is gay and they are both cute af.

Mr. Lodge: John Slattery

Veronica’s dad always seemed older than other parents, like she has a “sister” who turns out to really be her mom.

Mr. Weatherbee: Horatio Sanz

Yasss kween

Miss Grundy: Catherine O’Hara

Iconic and a Dine family favorite. Also why is still “Miss” at her age?

Pop Tate: John Goodman

He still looks like all he eats is Pop Tates

 

So this August marks the 3 year mark that I have been living in my parent’s basement. Now I would like preface that I’m very grateful to be in a situation where I am able to have my parents who are able to allow me to live with them without any real pressure to leave. Needless to say though it has been an experience worth retelling.

Just as some background I moved back home to go back to nursing school and between that and the bike trips I just haven’t left.  I moved back in August of 2013 into my old high school bedroom in full swing cliché in my parent’s basement. It’s not all bad because I have my own bathroom and living room area so I basically have a killer situation for a sleep over if all my friends weren’t adults with their own homes.

The first thing was that everything is different but also everything is the exact same. The most familiar is that many times I find triggers that will turn me into an instant 13-year-old. The best example is the classic 2002 debate of what is an appropriate time to bring the trash down or often the lint trap needs to be cleaned in the dryer.

On the plus side as a middle child I’ve never lived alone with my parents before with no siblings present and it is kind of nice to feel like the focus a little despite being 27 you still want your parents attention.**

It has been nice to form a more adult relationship with my parents, since they are kind of roommate status because you all work full time and are busy, we team up on responsibilities a little bit and it shifts the relationship.

Due to the fact my parents aren’t indebted college students the AC situation is pretty rad.

I have no control of all the rando relatives, family friends, or neighbors that come to the house, and I have to be ready to make game face pretty quickly.

I’m much more uptight about the status of my bedroom or living area because there I am the king of the smallest kingdom

When I’m out and about and I run into somebody and they want an update I have a very rehearsed monologue about why I live at home and the other person is always very quick to tell you it’s great and they wish they could still do that in leu of seeming judgmental or because they are genuinely jealous that I don’t have to buy my own toilet paper.

On that note, I don’t have to buy my own toilet paper which is boss.

Romantically you are screwed, potential dates are never turned on by your arrested development even if they never have to go to your home.

I drink a lot less alcohol because I can never make it back to Rockford, thus I see my friends a lot less. Also asking anyone to visit Rockford from Grand Rapids is like asking somebody from NYC to trek out to New Jersey.

Honestly though I know I can’t stay forever but I weirdly wouldn’t take this time back.

 

**Mary is back home now so I’m not the only sibling back home, so no more motherboy.

 

 

 

 

 

As many of you know from an obscene amount of pictures on Facebook I recently lead another Bike&Build trip. This trip was called ‘Coastal Drift’ and it involved biking from Maine to NYC in roughly three weeks. This was my second trip with Bike&Build and this trip was beyond amazing but did feel like I was stepping back into the arena from the Hunger Games.

First of all you have the returning lethal lovers from the first games with Ellie Trent starring as Katniss Everdeen and myself as Peeta Mellark. We both had lead a trip in 2015 together and were reaped together for this summer, much like Katniss and Peeta doing two consectutive games.

That one on the right is us about to do route meeting if you can’t tell.

And we both have had this breakdown towards each other.

 

Caroline Grady our fellow leader was starring as Johanna Mason. Caroline had done Bike&Build back in 2010 so she was older alum/victor like Johanna. Now truth be told Caroline is sweet as hell and the main point of this comparision is that I know she could wield an axe like a badass.

You are crazy if you think she can’t do that.

 

Ian Christie was our fourth and final leader and was our resident Finnick Odair. Honestly because we all know they are both cute af.

We’ve all seen that face on him.

Our faithful leader of our adventure was Claire Collins and if you know Claire (which you should) calling her Haymitch Abernathy is the best comparision. Both are charming and have straight blonde locks. Also there is a notable point in the summer where Claire gets to a District 12 level of hygiene.

 

Even though she is from the first games, Rue made an apperance in the form of Iyana Williams.

I also once dressed up like this…

 

Obviously my trip was lovely and nothing like a murder competition but we did travel to exotic locations and eat weird stuff. Alliances form, people fall in love, and all we really want is to finish with a sense of pride and accomplishment (again not in a murdery way).

So topical because it might be 2001 but after preparing for a garage sale this spring and uncovering my old VCR and watching a few old recordings of Degrassi: The Next Generation. It got me to thinking about how much I missed those tapes.

I feel like in this growing age of technology we are always looking forward to the next new thing. Where as I am still mad the iphone chargers keep changing. I still sometimes have a yearning for a simplier time. While I love Blu-ray and streaming movies/tv sometimes I do miss the straight forward nature of the VHS.
1. One of my favorite things about VHS is that you can skip past the FBI warning. Sorry not sorry copyright laws.

2. Durability! You could throw those bad boys in your backpack, put in em’ suitcases even toss them around the room and the VHS didn’t falter. Now you have to constantly beware of scrathes and smudges.

3. DVD menus. If you accidently fall asleep during a movie (or real talk if you hook  up) nothing is going to be more of a boner killer than listening to frickin’ Buddy the Elf do his best lines on a loop or Dory telling you to keep on swimming till your lazy ass gets up and turns it off. There was  a certain comfort in that blue screen of VHS and rythimic sound of the VCR rewinding the tape.

4.  Showing a friend a scene in a movie was much easier during VHS days. You find the part you like and you just take it out of the VCR and put it back in at your lesiure. If you need to find a specific scene in a DVD you have wait for FBI warnings (see above), pick widescreen/full screen choices, remember the timeline of when it happened and either do scene select or try to fast forward around.

5. Recording shows/movies on VHS was a personal favorite of mine. Sure everyone now has DVR but even when DVDs first became mainstream there was a real lag between the start of DVDs and the growth and accesibility of DVR (unless you were some jag off who had TiVo). In VHS primetime you could record everything so simply and make fun labels. Family videos were more of a thing back then and reserved for special occasions unlike now where everyone has a daily video of their kids on the phone. It used to be a special part of one’s history to watch momunental moments in your life but kids today are overally documented in the opinion of this reporter.

 

Althought I won’t pretend it wasn’t straight up witchcraft to set up your VCR to record on a timer.

 

 

Broad City: Two New York girls are young and exploring the city, enjoying their friendship, dating, and general shenanigans. Enjoy some relatable storylines involving bad roommates, getting high, and horrible first jobs.

Original network: Comedy Central

Number of seasons: 2 (number 3 currently airing)

Where to watch: Hulu*

Things to look forward to: some of the best one liners of your life

Things to look past: a little too much toilet humor

 

Gilmore Girls: A mother and daughter are best friends?? Can that be? Oh yes! A cast full of colorful characters set in fictional Stars Hollow, CT. Love, laughter and drama ensue.

Original network: The WB/CW 

Number of seasons: 7 (more to come!) 

Where to watch : Netflix

Things to look forward to: snappy lines and one of my favorite “will they?/won’t they?” story lines ever…and  um a revival this year!!

Things to look past: Some boring side character plots that pander out

 

Pretty Little Liars: Four girls are forced to solve the murder of their friend after an unknown blackmailer threatens to reveal their long buried secrets.

Original network: ABC Family/Freeform (dumb name btw) 

Number of seasons: 6 (still airing)

Where to watch: Netflix

Things to look forward to: beautiful clothes, an actually intriguing mystery/plot, intricate writing.

Things to look past: you really have suspend your disbelief that these girls are in high school, and buckle down to get past the first few episodes. 

 

Community: Seven different people of different ages and races all have different reasons to be attending Community College but form a study group, and a good friendship. So unappreciated, it’s streets ahead. (you will all get that later) 

Original network: NBC

Number of seasons: 6

Where to watch : Hulu*/Yahoo Screen (season 6 only)

Things to look forward to: a beautiful blend of feels and humor

Things to look past: that there isn’t enough of it

 

Jessica Jones: a former superhero is a now a P.I. who is fighting a man who can control minds, she’s sassy, she drinks, she has super strength. What’s not to love?

Original Network: Netflix (also where to watch)

Number of seasons: 1 (still airing)

Things to look forward to: deep feminist themes and empowerment

Things to look past: dark story lines make it hard to binge

 

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: A young girl is rescued from an underground cult after 15 years and now has to acclimate to life in New York.

Original network:  Netflix (also where to watch)

Number of seasons: 1 (still airing/season 2 on April 15th!) 

Things to look forward to: despite the description it is a comedy, and she is a nanny just like you! and she was kidnapped in Indiana (that’s a place you know!), and a good theme song.

Things to look past: jokes can get a little repetitive

Parks and Rec: A local government employee decides to improve a gross pit in her town (also in Indiana!) with her rag tag team of friends/coworkers.

Original network: NBC

Number of seasons: 7

Where to watch: Netflix

Things to look forward to: Amy Poehler is a treasure, a cute friendship with Rashida Jones, the beginning of Chris Pratt’s career and Aziz Anzari

Things to look past: some of the story lines repeat or go on too long.

 

Buffy The Vampire Slayer: A chosen girl is given super powers to kill vampires and also still has to graduate high school. There is some good romance, and fight scenes and very clever writing.

Original network: The WB/UPN

Where to watch: Netflix

Number of seasons: 7

Things to look forward to: Just the best freaking show, she is so tough and awesome and a great supporting cast

Things to look past: it’s a little dated

Veronica Mars: a local high school girl solves crimes in her town for fellow students while also trying to solve the murder of her best friend.

Original Network: The CW

Where to watch: Amazon Prime*

Number of seasons: 3 (and a movie!!)

Things to look forward to: Nail biting mysteries, Kristen Bell and great writing

Things to look past: once again suspending your disbelief that she is in high school

 

Friends: SIx friends in the city, come on now. You know this.

Original Network: NBC

Where to watch: Netflix

Number of seasons: 10

Things to look forward to: being a part of the rest of America and watching this show

Things to look past: season 9

 

Sex and The City: Four women living in NYC are trying date, talk about sex, love, and friendship while only being a little annoying but mostly funny.

Original Network: HBO

Where to watch: Amazon Prime*

Number of seasons: 6 (and 2 movies!)

Things to look forward to: actually pretty funny/relatable

Things to look past: questionable outfits and a little 90s

How I Met Your Mother: 5 friends living in NYC (sound familiar) following protagonist Ted Mosby while he tells his kids the story of how he met their mother from the future.

Original Network: CBS

Where to watch: Netflix

Number of seasons: 9

Things to look forward to: Jason Segal and Neil Patrick Harris! Pretty cute show, you will actually laugh and cry quite a bit, and it’s a very clever show

Things to look past: the last season

 

Scrubs: A team of hospital staff work through personal and career issues at Sacred Heart but it’s also a comedy!

Original Network: NBC/ABC

Where to watch: Netflix

Number of seasons: 9

Things to look forward to: very very sweet and lots of recurring bits

Things to look past: very medical

 

Glee: a high school glee club is constantly being threatened to be shut down, hopefully they know some covers

Original Network: Fox

Where to watch: Netflix

Number of seasons: 6

Things to look forward to: pretty good music, and funny lines

Things to look past: inconsistent story lines and regressive characters, but it might be okay if you are on pain killers.

 

Arrested Development: a wealthy family is in financial peril but the most responsible son has to step in to save the family and company.

Original network: Fox

Where to watch: Netflix

Number of seasons: 4 (4 was a revival)

Things to look forward to: great characters! so funny! so clever! Most underrated show on television.

Things to look past: short seasons

 

Weeds: a single soccer mom takes up dealing weed to pay the bills.

Original network: Showtime

Where to watch: Netflix

Number of seasons: 8

Things to look forward to: so addicting, Nancy Botwin is the antihero of your dreams.Good music, same writer from Orange is the New Black

Things to look past: the second half of the show

The Office: The original mocumentary. A camera crew following around employees of a paper company for 9 years.

Original network: NBC

Where to watch: Netflix

Number of seasons: 9

Things to look forward: Very funny, great character based show, the “will they/won’t they?” of this show is the one of its generation.

Things to look past: takes a little bit of a dip in the middle but pulls itself back together in the opinion of this reporter.

Girls: 4 girls living in NYC (more specifically Brooklyn) who are basically the millennial’s anthem.

Original network: HBO

Where to watch now: Amazon Prime

Number of seasons: 5

Things to look forward to: strong first season, relateable, the right amount of dark, very good soundtrack,Raunchy if that’s your thing. Judd Apatow is a producer. Elijah (wait and see).

Things to look past: wanting to punch Hannah Horvath in the face, and mostly Marnie and mostly Jessa. You do your thing Shosh.

Daria: Animated sitcom about a teenage girl moving to Lawndale (state unknown at least to me) and pretty much being the most cynical person in history.

Original network: MTV

Where to watch now: Hulu

Number of seasons: 5

Things to look forward to: Daria is a dry humor that makes you sometimes want to applause her apathy and commentary. Plus the other characters balance out her stoicism.

Things to look past: Her monotone voice makes it hard to binge.

Angel: A Buffy spin off, where her vampire ex-boyfriend moves to LA to become his own super hero but is also searching for redemption to make up for his past sins.

Original network: The WB

Where to watch now: Netflix

Number of seasons: 5

Things to look forward to: He’s a vampire with a soul! A champion fighting for justice.A little more dark/adult than Buffy. Also his Scooby gang of sidekicks is charming AF(I’m looking at you Charisma Carpenter).

Things to look past: Hard to watch without being a Buffy fan first but a little research and you can skip ahead to his show.

United States of Tara: A mom in Kansas has DID (multiple personality disorder) and her family has to make due with sharing their mom/wife to these other personalities.

Original network: Showtime

Where to watch now: Netflix

Number of seasons: 3

Things to look forward to: Toni Collette deserves a tiara for her performance. It’s funny and sad, some good LGBT characters. The beginning of Brie Larson, and Aiden from SATC is in it! Same writer from Juno (Diablo Cody).

Things to look past: Ends very abruptly.

Family Guy: Do I have to describe it? Hilarious animated sitcom that is more or less a rip off from The Simpsons but we all love it. Some great social commentary buried underneath a lot of fart jokes.

Oringal network: Fox

Where to watch now: Netflix

Number of seasons: 14

Things to look forward to: Funny and quotable, easy to marathon.Some actually great social commentary. Not as you stupid as you think it is.

Things to look past: can cross a line now and again

Orange Is The New Black: Privileged Piper Chapman goes to jail in upstate New York. She learns the ropes of prison life.

Original network: Netflix (also where to watch)

Number of seasons: 3 (still airing)

Things to look forward to: Amazing supporting cast! They really make the show, there are so many characters you are bound to have a favorite. Same writer as Weeds (Jenji Kohan). Great LGBT characters and diversity.

Things to look past: Piper is not really that great of a protagonist but you’ll connect to someone else.

Six Feet Under: A family loses their patriarch and two sons and their widow mother have to keep their family’s funeral home business going and there is a snarky teenage daughter who hangs out.

Original network: HBO

Where to watch now: Amazon Prime

Number of seasons: 5

Things to look forward to: Artsy and just the right amount of pretentious. Very good acting by Michael C. Hall (pre Dexter). Dramatic and the seasons are short so the story moves along. Good finale too.

Things to look past: None of the protagonists are too likable, you don’t root for anyone too much.

Heroes: People with abilities from different parts of the world try to live their lives while dealing with their powers.

Original network: NBC

Where to watch now: Netflix

Number of Seasons: 5 (plus a miniseries)

Things to look forward to: Great first season, captivating story line and well written with good special effects.

Things to look past: Season 3 and on.

30 Rock: Liz Lemon is a late night sketch comedy show producer and it’s all about her struggle. She is your beautiful introverted spirit animal.

Original Network: NBC

Where to watch now: Netflix

Number of seasons: 7

Things to look forward to: Tracy and Jenna! Jack Donaghy. A myriad of guest stars, awesome writing, so many Emmys and Tina Fey as Liz Lemon is just what life is about.

Things to look past: nothing, anyone who speaks ill of 30 Rock is not your friend, but also season 1 is not that good.

Shameless: A remake of a British show about a young girl named Fiona who has an alcoholic father (played wonderfully by William H. Macy) and an absentee bipolar mother and has to raise her 5 siblings in South Chicago.

Original network: Showtime

Where to watch now: Hulu (if you add Showtime)

Number of seasons: 6 (still airing)

Things to look forward to: The perfect amount of drama and comedy, these kids love stealing, sex, drugs, getting by but also look out for each other.Joan Cusack as a shut in. The schemes are always enjoyable, progressive LGBT characters. The show is often run by seasons (literal ones not TV ones). The winter seasons are always more depressing and the summer ones are more playful.

Things to look past. Some of the characters can get frustrating or feel like they have regressed. Also the show can be a major bummer at times.

Teen Wolf: I know what you are thinking, that it’s just some lame supernatural show but you are only half right. It’s not lame. Teen Wolf is a captivating show with some original characters and cool cinematography.

Original network: MTV

Where to watch now: Amazon Prime

Number of seasons: 5 (still airing)

Things to look forward to: A decent amount of shirtless men, quippy characters, Dylan O’Brien in general. Good twists and a generally good heroes journey.

Things too look past: Plot can get confusing especially with all the names, and too much CGI.

 

American Dad!: Often dismissed as a lame spin off/side project of Family Guy but it’s actually better in a lot of ways. Similar family dynamic but more plot driven than relying on cutaways like Family Guy. Francine Smith is much more charming than Lois and the 14 year old son Steve Smith is reason enough to watch.

Original network: Fox (now TBS)

Where to watch now: Netflix

Number of seasons: 14

Things to look forward to: Clever show, less toilet humor than it’s counterpart Family Guy.

Things to look past: Very rough beginning seasons, I would honestly start at like season 4.

Sense8: Eight strangers are psychically connected and live all over the globe. Their connection is just emerging and they are also being hunted because of their connection.

Original network: Netflix (also where to watch)

Number of seasons: 1 (still airing)

Things to look forward to: Beautiful cinematography around the world, strong LGBT characters, compelling love stories, action, steamy sex scenes and a touching rendition of 4 Non Blondes “What’s Going On?”

Things to look past: A little too serious at times, and can be confusing because things are laid out very well.

Scream TV Series: A sort spin off from the Scream franchise from the 90s. It’s based around a cyerbully/murderer in a fictional town of Lakewood. Obviously they are targeting sexy teens and there was a series of similar murders about 20 years ago. What’s the connection? Good luck audience. Think a more gory Pretty Little Liars .

Original network: MTV

Where to watch now: Hulu

Number of seasons: 1 (still airing)

Things to look forward to: Wes Craven was the executive producer before his death and his story telling is phenomenal. The teens are kind of basic but you can’t help but root for them and the action/horror is very nail biting.

Thing to look past: not enough connection to the original franchise and being frustrated with teens running upstairs instead of outside.

Switched at Birth: Two girls find out they were switched at birth. One girl is a rich, cynical artist and the other is poor, deaf and has a heart of gold. The two families decide to live together and get to know their respective child.

Original network: ABC Family/Freeform

Where to watch now: Netflix

Number of seasons: 4 (still airing)

Things to look forward to: it’s very interesting to learn about deaf culture and sign language. The notion is pretty original and it’s compelling watching the two families want to know their biological child while also trying to protect their relationship with the child they raised.

Things to look past:the plot can move very slow, and I know it’s ABC Family but sometimes I even thought it could use a little more edge at times.

Nurse Jackie: Where to start? She’s a brazen nurse from Queens, NY who is also addicted to pain killers.  She spends most of the time being a very talented nurse and hanging out in the bathroom snorting pills and being shady AF.

Original network: Showtime

Where to watch now: Netflix

Number of seasons: 7

Thing to look forward to: Nurse Zoey Barkow is reason enough to watch. She is the light, sweet, funny counterpart to Jackie’s snark. Also Thor the male nurse might be my spirit animal. Jackie is like a very difficult kind of bitchy character who you don’t necessarily root for but can’t stop watching.

Things to look past: Jackie is endlessly frustrating and I won’t pretend there is an amazing pay off at the end.

 

 

There are some shows that did not make the list because there is no where to binge them (True Blood, Modern Family, The Simpsons).

 

Also there are three shows I am working on so stay tuned for Rob Reviews of:

-Master of None

-Daredevil

-Love

-Bojack Horseman

All Netflix orginals, eh?

 

*If you are not an Amazon Prime or Hulu user, you can sign up for the 30 day trial for both. Perfect chance to binge out these shows and cancel. I’m assuming we all have Netflix. 

Also I did include if some shows were Hulu and Amazon Prime or Hulu and Netflix, so if you have one service but not the other be sure to verify.

 

Happy Binging!

 

So this is my first segment of “Rob Reviews” hoping to make that more of a thing. Today’s topic is  Ryan Murphy’s shows. Here is the thing; Ryan Murphy shows are all the same (American Horror Story, Glee, The New Normal, Popular, Nip/Tuck) and elicit the same emotion from me; intrigue and extreme dissatisfaction.

He has a formula that I’ve been aware of since AHS: Coven. The formula isn’t terrible, it’s what gotten him such a successful career but Scream Queens is making it evident that he has gotten lazier. He loves to have a strong female lead, he loves flashy outfits, he loves quippy insults and most of all; a couple HBICs (Head Bitch In Charge for those of you not in the know, no judgement I wasn’t sure if it was head or hot bitch).

AHS: Jessica Lange and Emma Roberts and now Lady Gaga

Glee: Santana Lopez and Sue Sylvester

The New Normal: Nene Leaks and Ellen Barkin

Popular:  Nicole Julian (more obscure I admit)

Scream Queens: Emma Roberts and Jamie Lee Curtis and let’s be real most of those girls are trying to be HBIC (I see you Abigail Breslin, you’ve come a long way since Nim’s Island).

Do not get me wrong, all of these women are entertaining! They have delivered some of TV’s best one liners. These HBICs usually have their straight laced conventional woman or “straight woman” to balance them out.

AHS: Connie Britton, Tessa Farminga, and Sarah Paulson.

Glee: Rachel Berry, Marley Rose, and Emma Pillsbury

The New Normal: Georgia King

Popular: Lily Esposito-Ford, Sam McPherson, and Carmen Ferrara.

Scream Queens: Skylar Samuels

The main issue with these shows is the lack of plot or continuity. Ryan Murphy is kind of the king of slight of hand. He just distracts you so don’t really notice that a story isn’t really moving along and his main distractions are the HBIC women (and admittedly very good wardrobes). Most of the endings are abrupt and thrown together quickly and are littered with continuity issues (heavy nod to AHS: Coven).

Scream Queens is no exception to these accusations. This show is classic Ryan Murphy and he really isn’t even trying this time. You’ve got a well dressed Emma Roberts spouting out provocative insults to everyone around her and Jamie Lee Curtis looking chic as hell being just as sassy. You have her minions Chanel 2, 3 and 5 (a la early Brittany and Santana to Quinn Fabray).  The show is decently ripe with homo eroticism with Chad Rockwell and Nick Jonas’s character which is another common Murphy move (Quinn/Santana, AHS’s rubber suit, AHS’s Dandy, Emma Roberts/Tessa Farminga, and all of Nip/Tuck).

Oh and there is a murderer in red devil costume on campus, and where most of the kids are concerned with their personal popularity versus oh I don’t know transferring!

If you really talk to a person about his shows you learn that aren’t that well liked, the conversations go as following:

AHS Fan: I really like American Horror Story! It’s so twisted!

Me: Oh really? What’s your favorite season?

AHS Fan: Umm I really liked 1 except the ending was kind of dumb, season 2 had too much going on, season 3 was good but admittedly silly, I liked the start of season 4 but I didn’t finish it yet. Season 5 premiere was amazing though!

Me: So really what this boils down to is you didn’t like most of it?

And then there is a Glee Fan

Glee Fan: Oh yeah! I loved Glee!

Me: It was a really good show, the ending felt a little dissatisfying to me though.

Glee Fan: Oh, I really only watched the first season and then the music wasn’t as good and everyone became gay.

Me: So you didn’t really even watch most of it?

Of course some die hard Ryan Murphy fan will try to tell you about his HBO film The Normal Heart which won an Emmy and Golden Globe. However let’s not forget that The Normal Heart was first a play which was not written by Ryan Murphy just adapted to a film by him.

And now he has the OJ Simpson show which I’m going to be completely honest I haven’t watched yet. (Not watched because of some protest but because I’m poor and don’t have FX) My sources tell me that this show is some of his better work but like The Normal Heart the OJ Simpson trial is a story that is already written. The plot is already written for him which is something in his favor. Now we can watch Selma Blair play Kris Jenner in her cutest 90’s outfits and she can be as snappy as she likes and he doesn’t have to figure out where it’s going to go. (I also hear Ross is killing it as Robert Kardashian)

Don’t get me wrong  I will continue to watch Ryan Murphy programming. He is not some acclaimed writer in my opinion but he is funny, represents the LGBT community, and he gets some good people to star in his shows. As I reread this, it’s coming as more of a roast than a review but this is just one guy’s opinion. I can’t wait to see Dakota Fanning wearing a tiara and throwing shade at Tilda Swinton in a 60’s dramady about a mother and ghost daughter solving crimes or whatever concoction he has brewing.

Until the next one

 

Rob Dine

 

 

Okay, okay not like a crystal ball but at least some fun coincidences. Beware of spoilers if you are just now binging this show, and if you are then you are on an incredible journey.

Example 1: In Season 2 episode 13 “The Set Up” Leslie goes on a blind date with an MRI Tech (played by none other than her then real life husband Will Arnett). On the date he gives her an MRI and while examining her body in the machine he compliments her uterus saying that right off the bat she could have triplets.

And then in Season 6 episode 20 “1 in 8,000”  Leslie does indeed find out she is pregnant with triplets.

Bam! That’s a good prediction on you one time character Will Arnett.

Then in season 2 episode 16 “Galentine’s Day” Leslie is talking to the camera going on about soulmates and talking about getting Romeo and Juliet back together and then mentions getting Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston back together. She then mentions she wants Jen to be happy and for her to stay away from John Mayer.

But wait! Who is that playing Leslie’s love interest in this episode? It’s Justin Theroux!

Who is Jennifer Aniston’s real life soulmate! (they recently got married for those of you who live under a rock or are too good for television).

So Leslie wished happiness for Jen (in 2010 but whatever) and it finally happened.

The last coincidence (and in all honesty perhaps the weakest) in season 2 episode 17 “Woman of The Year” Ron wins the award “Woman of The Year” much to Leslie’s dismay and while she is talking about a camp she founded called “Camp Athena” he repeatedly calls it “Camp Xena” in reference to Xena: Warrior Princess.

Twist! In season 5 Ron begins to date a woman named Diane (whom he eventually marries and has a child with) who is played by Lucy Lawless aka Xena Warrior Princess.

So I mean it’s not going to save the world or anything but still fun I hope!

Before I go into this, I feel like I need to mention that Bike&Build is an amazing program and I had nothing but a rewarding experience with them but political correctness aside, let’s hear some jokes.

1.You wake up at a regimented time. Lights come on, loud music is playing and you have a militant 30 minutes to get your shit together. No one is talking much at what is usually an ungodly hour, while they pack their bags and get dressed. There is no snooze button in Bike&Build.

2. You eat all your meals together, often standing in a cafeteria style buffet line, or on the side of the road like a road side clean up crew.

3. We do community service.

4. . When people have free time, they spend it writing letters to loved ones, taking naps,reading, and working out (push ups for every mile we did that day, I never did that, but like, sidenote: wtf was that all about?).

5. You have to engage in awkward communal showers and deal with everyone seeing you naked on the daily.

6. Let’s call out the harsh truth: people hook up. Not only do they hook up, but they hook up in weird places.

7. There are cliques. Bike&Build is a family, but little subcommittees do happen. Faster riders, slower riders, party crowds, couples, hippies, smarties, regional friends, older vs younger crowd, etc.

8. You spend too much time together and know everything about everyone’s hygiene, bowels, and eating habits.

9. Even though you don’t want to leave, you are very aware of how much time you have left.

10. Best of all, they are your family away from your family.

1.America is not flat. That lesson took about 4 seconds to come to my attention and I never stopped resenting those purple mountains majesty during the whole trip.

2. You can do anything you put your mind to, cheesiest phrase in the planet but, let’s be real for a moment. I was by no means an athlete before this trip, let alone a cyclist. The physical challenge was so hard so often but you just do it. (Why does that sound sexier than I intended?)

3. There are so many things you have to do that you don’t want to do. I mean, this is true of being an adult in general. When I mean things you don’t want to do, I mostly mean hills.

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4. Pride is sometimes a useless emotion. I am a type 1 diabetic and like I said earlier, a non athlete. I often needed to stop to recover from low blood sugars, or pout on the side of the road due to exhaustion. Asking people to slow down or stop with me wasn’t always fun. You never want to feel like you are holding someone back, but you also need to take care of yourself. It’s not weakness, it’s self preservation.

5. Creature comforts are important and I especially mean television. It’s like, I had no idea what was going on in Litchfield, or who was going to be revealed as ‘A’. Taking time away and being in nature is obviously so serene and good for you and stuff but like television, you know? I have never appreciated it more.

6.Working with a real team is more rewarding than I could have thought. I never did team sports growing up; I’ve never been much of a joiner. There is something comforting about having a group of people that some days can annoy the shit out of you, but you know at any given moment if any one of them needed something you would drop what you are doing to help and vice versa.

7.Volunteering makes you poor. I feel like most people knew that but it was new information to me.

8.This generation of youths are ambitious and already make me feel so old but,you know what? We are all just people. I met so many young people who came from amazing schools with amazing degrees, and I felt jealous and oddly intimidated at times. I had wished I had made different choices, but I realized pretty early on that not matter what choices we had made we all ended up in the same place. It was a very hokey but accurate feeling of “it’s never too late for now” you can still do what you want with your life kind of feelings.

9.You might not need to change as much about yourself as you think. I feel like I left for my trip thinking I would come back very different or having all these revelations of what to do with my life. The way I see it, if you are spending the summer volunteering and doing something mildly certifiable you probably aren’t the worst person. I feel like I grew a lot, but it’s more subtle than one great big epiphany. Mostly, I learned to chill out and that I might want to try improv.

10. People do not know enough about Michigan. It’s such an underrated state. I also learned I might have more Michigan pride than I thought. I feel like I spent much of the summer defending the glory of the Great Lakes and being made fun of for the way I pronounce the word “bag”

11.The rules are different in every state. Seriously, you cross a state line and it’s a new ball game:the terrain, the people, and the foliage all can be different. One place there are Sonics and then all of sudden there are In N’ Outs (God willing). It’s a forest and then a desert. With each new place there are new monsters. I’ve seen scorpions, poisonous snakes, horses, goats, bears, armadillos, bears, puppies, great horned owls, coyotes (not all monsters, but still worth mentioning). Side note on coyotes, I once saw a dead one on the side of the road and that was the most disconcerting, like the roadrunner had finally gotten the upper hand. It’s 2015, ya know?

12. I might not have a taste for healthy food. Not that I don’t like fruits and vegetables, but I wasn’t biking across America to not eat Cheetos and drink as much as aspartame as I like.

13. Mostly this whole thing felt so impossible in the beginning, but I’ve learned if you chip away at it diligently, cry in moderation, laugh when something is funny or even when it’s not really funny, daydream a lot and have fun the next, you know you will have accomplished something amazing. This basically the approach I am going to take with my student loans.